A day in my life: the secret diary of a 22-month-old

Sam Avery is our favourite dad on the Internet with his real, raw, and side-splittingly funny posts about his 22-month-old twins. The stand-up comedian and blogger has written his latest post in the voice of one of his toddlers, and we are all nodding our heads. It goes a little something like this:

MONDAY Listen, Big People - if I won’t eat certain food with my hands, I’m not going to eat it just because you stick it on a fork am I? IT’S THE SAME FOOD, DICKHEADS! Just because I can’t control my arse yet doesn’t mean I’m a total bellend. And sometimes I throw food ON THE FLOOR because I want to eat it ON THE FLOOR.

TUESDAY Today was brilliant – cried all afternoon and refused to nap. Then did a wee in my cot that a racehorse would be proud of, causing a complete sheet change. Can’t wait for tomorrow. WEDNESDAY The Big People really fuck me off when they sing Wheels on the Bus in the wrong order you know. It’s a kids song, not Pulp Fiction – you can’t just mess with the narrative and expect it to still be entertaining.

Read the full post – we dare you not to laugh out loud.

Have you got anything funny to add from your own toddler's story? Tell us in the comments below.